January 9, 2010
September 16, 2009
whats friendship to you?
i got to admit that im selective for friends or maybe a more appropriate way to say is that i have certain standards for friends. If i think you are someone who can clicks well and is being true, i will go all in for you, for this friendship. However, once i realised that things go wrong and i have tried my best to fix everything in place but it fails, this friendship will lose its meaning and i will have different perception towards you.
For example, like G. Seriously, i value our friendship but just because of your relationship, your gf who don’t like me cause of the past between you and me, you drifted away from me. It’s okay, i can understand that but however never know that things happened this way that it’s too much for me to take it. Eventually, i got to bid goodbye to you since the only solution is to give up either friendship or relationship. Well, i chose the path for you which is to sarcrifice our friendship, anyway you can never leave your gf after what she had done to you.
Did i do the right thing? I hate G for not knowing what to do to protect me as her best friend however i should have know that she is just being herself. I mean, secretly i do wish that she will dump her ^&%$# gf but afterall is her own love life, i will want her to have the best.
Did i regret? Seriously, i don’t think so. From the day i send out the msg to G, she never even dare to reply me. As days pass, the more hack-care attitude i get. The more i think i’m not wrong with my decision.
Another example will be V. Recently i just avoided her as i feel that she is not doing what a true friend should be. Her world seems to involve around guys and never bother to find us besides being in school. Since E talked to her mentioning that she should treasure her friends more, she did not do anything. Or maybe she did (she claimed), just that i did not realise that. I can understand that is because of what happened in the past make you lost trust in friends and turned to guys for comfort but but but but im here! i tried to be there when you need us however, i tired of being the one who put in every single effort to be there but yet, you just take it for granted. A true friend who only find you to tell you about her own life (guys guys and guys) or find you when she is in school is not needed.
However, thats only my point of view. Seriously, the trust in our friendship is no longer there, the words you said i never know which is true. Im sorry but try harder again next time.
In summary, perhaps im actually a demanding friend which expect my friends to do this and that. But however, i don’t really agree cause to me, all these are just basic stuffs that friends should be. Yes or no? Even though, for my secondary clique, we don’t meet often, i don’t talk to them often, however once we meet up, we can have lot of fun and topics/updates to share. I dont expect them to contact me every now and then. I dont expect them to come down find me and etc. Cause i know they are true.
June 25, 2009
fragile heart
how much i wish you could be here,
you never appear.
it’s okay,
i’ll be fine to be alone.
what’s left is all these broken pieces.
we used to be happy
this distance is so cold
& i’m all alone.
ever since then,
everything has changed.
this feeling is so unfamiliar,
& tears never fail to flow.
maybe i have never been the one,
perhaps i have not been trying harder.
am i? did i? no, i guess.
i felt as though i lost a part of you
but i tried to understand
cause i have been in your situation.
however, things just happened.
me being a nuisance, being a demanding person
must have caused all these to happen.
did i ask for too much? did i go overboard?
must be, should be.
within this period,
it happened not once not twice but thrice.
how screwed up can i be.
thing changes, human changes too,
i can never deny such a natural cycle.
but it just hurts deeply,
we used to be happy
& i never feel so lonely within.
for once, the voice i heard was different,
it was louder, it was frustration
perhaps, thats how you feel.
enough, enough of these,
take it or leave it.
accept it or not.
for sure, i never doubt you,
all i need is assurance which i’m lacking of now.
do you really know what i want to say?
do you really understand how i feel?
how much do you care?
perhaps, i’m just asking for too much.
too much.
i heard a weak voice, somewhere, nowhere,
shouting out her last cry.
can you hear it?
May 21, 2009
tattoo ; to remind myself
i hate the ugly side of mine.
seriously, im getting really out of hand
perhaps, im pampered,
by you, by friends, by family.
-
bad points:
im short-tempered
im defensive
im bitchy
im whiny
im irritating at times
i want things to go my way
i take things for granted
i snap at people easily
i got serious mood swing
im lazy
im a procrastinator
what’s more?
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, i suck, seriously
got to change, got to change, GOT TO CHANGE!
-
I WANT A TATTOO THAT CAN REMIND MYSELF TO CHANGE
any idea what design?
May 12, 2009
tangled up
do me a trick
juggle the balls
hop on to the 1 wheel bicycle
& go round n round
hello mr clown, will you fall?
-
3 words, 8 letters, 1 meaning
can you feel it?
March 10, 2009
i swallow back every sorrow; till i break away
twisted ending; unexpected outcome
this is the best drama ever,
& the cast is me.
-
no one understands,
just fuck it
& im not feeling any better.
March 7, 2009
tough fight within self
have you ever feel that everything you did is wrong?
or maybe,
have you ever feel that you shouldn’t even live in this world?
the inferiority, this heartache,
its seem to be killing me.
i hate myself for being myself,
i hate the way i’m now.
-
Do you believe fate?
well, i guess i do.
this fate of mine is fooling me around
shouldn’t i be the lucky one?
but why did i ended up here, learning nothing.
i hate this, i hate to know that im not doing any better
worst, im not doing any good in everything.
-
im sorry to inflict pain on you
im sorry not to be the perfect one for you
im sorry for not able to meet up your expectations
im sorry for not going an extra mile for you
im sorry for not being a good gf
im sorry.
